Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Adoption Myths

Open Adoption is a scary term to many people. I must admit the first time I went to and orientation at LDS Services to learn more about it I was NOT SOLD on the idea! Over time I learned  a lot more about it and met many wonderful people with open adoptions. It sounds impossible for birth families to place their children with families they hardly know and everybody ends up happy. I am here to tell you that it DOES WORK! I have two daughters that my husband I parent and my girls are blessed to have more relatives to love them than the average kid. They have birth families that consist of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and even half-siblings! You can never have too many people to love your child. Both of my daughters are 4th children. They know their siblings and have a great time playing with them. At their young age they don't totally understand how they are related, but that will be come in time.We are blessed to be able to visit with their birth families multiple times throughout the year and communicate with them via the phone and internet often.  I am obviously passionate about adoption. I am happy to talk about our adoption experience, there is nothing I like to talk about more!

Myth #1
Adoption must be spoken about in hushed tones
 My children hear the word ADOPTION every single day. Adoption is a celebrated word in our home. My 3 year-old knows she was not in my belly, and she can tell you who her "birthday mom" is. It is not a secret that they are adopted.

Myth #2
I am not their "real mom"
 My children are blessed to have a birth mom and an adoptive mom. I take care of them on a daily basis. I do council with their birth moms about various things and get advice from them.

Myth #3
Their birth moms are going to try and take them back
The girls are legally adopted, everything is finalized. I have people ask if I worry that their birth moms are going to try and "steal" them back like a thief in the night. I do not worry about this whatsoever! I trust both of our birth moms. They made very conscious choices to place their child for adoption.

Myth #4
Birth moms are scary, bad people
Are you kidding me! Just because they had a baby in a tough situation does not mean that they are bad people. Most people could not handle making the difficult choice that they made. Birth mothers come from all different backgrounds, there is no stereotype. Most people picture a young teenager, but the average birth mom is over 25.

Myth #5
Adoptive parents must keep in constant contact with birth families
No one MAKES us keep in contact with our birth families, we choose to stay in touch with them. It is not an obligation, it is a privilege to be part of their lives and is in the best interest of the children to know where they came from. Like I have said before, no child can have too many people to love them.  Their birth mothers are part of our family.

Myth #6
Adoptive Couples compete against one another for children
There are so many amazing families waiting to be chosen to adopt children. Looking at has got to be overwhelming for birth parents looking for the right family for their precious child. I honestly feel that birth parents are guided by the spirit to the right family for that particular child. I am not sad when a child goes to another great family rather than mine, they end up where they are supposed to be. I love seeing adoption bless homes like it has blessed mine.

Myth #7
Adopted kids are cuter than other kids
This is not a myth, there is something about adopted kids that makes them EXTRA CUTE! Their cuteness is unsurpassed!  


  1. I admit even though our family has grown through adoption, I've been skeptical of open adoptions. We've adopted 5 children from Ethiopia. Our 15 year old has contact with his biological father. The other 4 siblings lost both their biological parents to disease. I've come to realize the importance of the communication with his biological father has in his life. It's been a growing experience for me on this subject.

  2. Haws House,
    I am sure International Adoption would make Open Adoption quite difficult, that is something I have no experience with. I am sure you will learn as you go what is right for your family and children. You have a beautiful family.